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Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Loss of Living Here

We lose a lot of who we are when we learn to live in this world.

We can’t fully be who we were designed to be here. We teach little ones the ways of the world, and they learn quickly which parts of who they are will not be acceptable here. A lot of it is necessary, but there’s no doubt we all get squashed in order to live here. The truly free will have a hard time here.

We all start off quirky. Some adapt better than others. Some, like me, bow to the gods of status quo and become very likeable to nearly everyone by sacrificing distinctiveness. Lately I’ve been watching my three-year-old niece, who is a lot like me in nearly every way, and wondering what I’ve lost—what she’ll lose.

She is so full of life and energy and excitement. It’s a lot to handle sometimes. So we tell her the rules of living in the world. You can’t be like that, have to be more this, less that. Granted, the manipulative and depraved nature that I know in myself comes out in her and needs to be squelched—in all of us. But so much of our original design gets lost in the fray as we learn to fit, to be accepted, to remain sane, to not get hurt, to pay our bills, to be responsible, to not annoy our aunt.

I mean, I have to tell her the rules. You know, ones like “no excited, non-stop talking before 8 am.” It’s a necessary rule (to protect us both), but I feel a little bit of who she is slipping away when her big smile fades. I don’t know how long she stands by my bed waiting for me to wake up when she stays overnight with me, but when I open my eyes that big smile is there and she’s ready to explode all of who she is on me before I’m quite awake.

But to live here, in this world, we have to tell them who they can and cannot be. We all learned it. Your animated displays of emotion are not going to work out here. The face you make when you’re thinking is going to make your life difficult. Your fondness for incessant hugging is not going to be appreciated here...

The Human World has some universal rules, but there are also different rules for different worlds. Church World. American World. Suburbia World. Disney World. Sometimes it’s hard to know which rules to follow. Which status quo am I aiming for? Weird Portlander? Or proper southerner? Nice church girl? Or unconventional revolutionary? So, we end up just trying to create an identity based on the cues we’ve been given in the world we're in.

Won’t it be beautiful when we’re all finally free of the rules of this world? Free to be who we were created to be without concern for the rules of living far from home? I am moving closer to a taste of that freedom now, but I look forward to the day when I arrive and find out who I am really. And who you are.

3 comments:

Deborah said...

I feel like living here on earth gets the short end of the stick by a lot of Christians. Like living here is something to just endure, instead of something to enjoy. That was God's original intention, and Jesus was the conduit for making that happen (again). The journey of returning to Eden is just as important as Eden itself.

I guess growing older for me has been about learning to enjoy (how to be) me, here on earth. We should be figuring out who we are (and who were not) right now. The sweet by and by is...now...and later. The kingdom of God is here. The kingdom of God is coming. I don't know if there will ever be a place where we "arrive" at understanding ourselves and each other. I just see the revelation, and the reveling, of being ourselves as a continuous process. We as the body of Christ should be supporting that sort of self-discovery instead of some twisted idea of what we all should be. It involves a lot more listening and a lot less judging.

We will always be earthlings (even in a new earth). We will always be squashed by something (Christ is a great squasher!)--sometimes for the betterment of the societies we live in, sometimes for the betterment of ourselves. But I feel like there's a lot of other things that can remain unsquashable, like our very essence, which I can't even describe.

I'd love an end to being misunderstood, which brings me perpetual misery...but until then, I really should try to be more understanding.

So let your holy freak flag fly! The world needs your distinctiveness!

angie said...

well said, deb. now and not yet. totally agree.

Anonymous said...

Interesting post, and an idea that raises questions I have always found very compelling. What does God want us to be? If we're the children of God, what do we become when we grow up?